I’m gonna start writing again, I said. I’m gonna post regular updates and start blogging again, I said. I lied.
I’ve recently moved out into my own apartment, taken up smoking, and work two jobs. In my free time I worry about life and am in the process of smuggling a cat into my no pets pad. My ex who I dated for 3 years and was still friends with stopped talking to me out of nowhere and my ex who I had a very emotionally exhaustin relationship with is my boss at Taco Bell. I’m a mess.
I’ve never really talked about my mental health issues on this blog, mostly because for my first year I was still dating my nice ex and I was doing okay. To sum it up, I finally had to go to a therapist from Taco ex’s fucked relationship and I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Basically for me, every day I struggle with being normal and feeling normal and having normal social interactions with people.
Lately it’s been a lot harder just keeping myself together. Just making myself dinner is a battle and my boyfriend doesn’t understand what’s going on and is just trying his best to be supportive.
Writing is my passion, it’s something that can absorb me for hours and I love creating a story out of nothing. I want to get back to it, but it’s been nearly impossible for me to get back into the swing of things. Once my old GM of Taco Bell showed up to work and another team member asked him how he was feeling and he replied “Well I’m severely depressed and hate life and want to impale myself just to see how it feels” and at the time I thought “Who the fuck says that to their 17 year old employee” but now I kinda get it. Sometimes life is rough and we weren’t taught how to deal with it, we were just meant to find food and make babies but then people started building sky scrapers and everything went wonky.
In summary, I’m trying to get back to posting and all that jazz, but life has been throwing me for a loop. I just thought I’d share a little bit about myself because I can’t get around to posting anything else. Hope you’re all doing well and such.