Avoid the following.
“Like the lost catacombs of Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it.”
–Bloodhound Gang, “The Bad Touch”
“Squeeze me baby, til the juice runs down my leg”
–Led Zeppelin, “Lemon Song”
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
I’d forgotten this about her: she has the smallest, hottest mouth, as if she’s storing lava in her cheeks.
–Things to Make or Break by May-Lan Tan
They bucked like deer and squirmed like eels. And after that, vice-versa.
–Head of State by Andrew Marr
His penis found its way with no resistance, as if swallowed up into an airless vacuum.
–Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami
“I’m going to make you cum tonight… (pause) over to my house.”
–B4-4, “Get Down”
Mandy looks at him with that face of hers and sighs. “Well that was my last cigarette you ruined, so you’re gonna have to entertain my now.” She using her finger and demands him to come closer. Billy cheeks turn red as he stands up and walks towards her. “Eat it like you would your yogurt.” Mandy then grabs his head and pushes him down.
‘This is fun‘ he gasps, resting his hands on her hips. ‘Glad you like it‘ she smiles, before bending down to him and kissing him lightly. She moves faster and faster and rocks harder and harder before coming in unison minutes later.
…he makes me so hard I could hammer sponge into steel…
“Not until I say so boy.” Snape began to pound into Harry’s arse at a quicker pace than before and precisely hitting the spot-that-must-not-be-named. Harry’s hair continually flopped into his forehead as it became damp with sweat.
“Take me!” Snape need not do anything more than grabb the student by the cock and begin rubbing it down. “Ah!” Harry was caught off guard by the sudden pleasure and moaned a little too loudly.
I am seriously dying from that last one. I just randomly picked fandoms on fanfiction.net and looked for rated “M” stories for these. I was like hmm, better include a Harry Potter one. So glad I did. The entire thing is that ridiculous.
I got the rest of the scenes randomly from the net from looking up terrible sex scenes/similes/metaphors.